Maximum Testosterone

Who knew they could fit this much kick-ass into one movie?

The Expendables

starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Charisma Carpenter, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis

directed by Sylvester Stallone

Let’s face it; action films have lost their luster in the last ten years. None of the new action stars have been able to recapture the former glory of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Norris, Seagal, or Van Damme. So, for Sly to take it upon himself to gather as many big names as he can muster and make the ultimate action film is in fact a very bold move. It has potential to be stellar, but it also has potential to be very, very bad. Can Stallone bring what made the action genre great into the twenty first century?

If you have a job that is nearly suicide to complete, there’s not questions about it: you call the Expendables. Lee Christmas (Statham), Ying Yang (Li), Gunner Jensen (Lundgren), Toll Road (Couture), and Hale Caesar (Crews) are the best mercenaries money can buy, and Barney Ross (Stallone) is the man in charge. A man who only give the name Church (Willis) brings a job offer to the team; take out a military dictator on a small island nation. Ross and Christmas go to scout out the job and come in contact with a girl named Sandra. She helps them around the island, but is nearly killed when the two are ambushed. Ross and Christmas barely make it off the island alive, but Sandra refuses to go. She wants to stay and help her people be free, even if that means certain death for helping the mercenaries. Back stateside, Ross can’t get this resolute girl off his mind. Against the protests and better judgement of his teammates, he plans to take the job, return to the island, and save Sandra; even if he has to go alone.

Action films just aren’t made this way anymore. Most of today’s action flicks focus so much on intricate fighting scenes and overly complicated plots with senseless twists. The Expendables is a return to your daddy’s kind of action movie: a simple, straight forward story with with bare fisted brawls, witty one liners, and lots of things blowing up. The very first gun shot in the film destorys a guy from the waist up, for crying out loud. The fights aren’t complex, but they’re hard hitting. The variety of weapons in use are impressive. There’s too many explosions to count. Stallone manages to find room for knife fights, massive gun battles, a car chase, an air battle, and even an old west style shoot out while keeping up the momentum and holding the attention of his audience. I went in looking for Cobra Part Two, and got it. Not too shabby, Mr. Stallone.

However, perhaps the most vital part of the film is how well Sly balances the script. Without a doubt, the plot is paper thin. You don’t know anyone’s past, you’re not sure if they work for the CIA or not, and so many details of their jobs are really vague. But let’s be honest; when you’re in the theater to see someone get their face punched in, who cares about the details? The plot is simple and substantial enough to give a direction for all the mayhem, and in a film like this, that’s all that is really needed. No confusion, no gimmicks, just no holds barred action.

No one is looking for great acting in an action flick, but we actually end up with some fantastic roles in The Expendables. Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham use their tried but true action characters traits, and it works. Jet Li plays a part that is riddled with comedy, which is a good break from the norm for him. Terry Crews and Randy Couture play stock action guys, but again, we’re not expecting much else. Eric Roberts, as always, is masterful as the bad guy. In the end, though, its Mickey Rourke that steals the show. His part is small, but he takes a small bit of dialogue about past war time experience and nearly brings you to tears with the emotion the guy puts into it. That is rare in these types of film, and it is great to see Rourke pull it off. But my favorite scene has to be the first ever on screen combination of Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. These guys have been doing it for years, and the on screen presence is, well, just huge. The best line in the film comes from this trio; Stallone says in reference to Schwarzenegger’s character: “Oh, he’s just mad because he wants to be President.”

The Expendables is not attempting to be the best blockbuster of the summer; its simply bringing action back to the old school, and I have to applaud it for that. All things considered, it really is nearly perfect for what I believe Stallone is trying to accomplish. I’m of the opinion that it is about twenty minutes too short, had at least one loose plot thread, and I’m a bit dissappointed with a minor story flaw at the very end of the film. But overall, The Expendables goes on my short list of must see flicks of Summer 2010. I’m sure I’ll take a lot of flack for it, but I don’t care. Action doesn’t need to be smart. Action doesn’t need to be believable. Just let action be action.